Best Onion Story Ever?

Scathingly funny article on the former U.S. fossil, er, senator. I'm sad my kids will never get this.

Strom Thurmond Calls For Construction Of Transcontinental Railroad

WASHINGTON, DC-Citing the need for cheaper and faster shipping to the Western Territories, the need to unite the Republic after the long and bitter War Between The States, and the recent discovery of gold in the California region, U.

That Bloody Capital Cursive Q.

I've been out of elementary school for a long, long time now. And I still can't figure out why the uppercase letter "Q" becomes a "2" when you write it in cursive.

Who decided this? It's like Ye Olde Fashioned "s" that looks like an "f."

"We, the People of the United ftates of America..."

Completely confusing.

Except the cursive capital Q (that's really a 2) is still in use. And just like back in fourth grade, the CCQ frightens and confuses me. Par exemplar:

2uality Food.

2uitting time.

The 2ueen of England.

I'm convinced Beelzebub has a belly laugh whenever someone reads — and stumbles over — the cursed CCQ. It is evil incarnate. It should be rated a hard "R." (Fitting since Q and R are next to each other in the alphabet.)

Die, cursive Q! Vex humanity no more!